A little of this, A lot of that.

The 'eve' of surgery is beginning to be a familiar feeling...not one that I like, though!  How do I feel right now?  A little of this - jitters, a lot of that - gratitude.

Jitters because this is my third surgery in three months and instead of my pain tolerance getting better, it's getting worse.  Seriously, I find it odd that I am growing more sensitive to pain rather than used to it.  Before I could endure a few sticks/attempts at getting in an IV...now I wince at one little needle.  And things went wrong during the first surgery that no one anticipated.....and it reminds me just how much I am not in control.  At all.

Gratitude because every time the nervousness and anxiety wells up inside me I get constant reminders of the prayers covering us.  Between Scripture, texts, e-mails and phone calls and wonderful surprise packages I'm reminded that we are not forgotten or alone in this.  It keeps me grounded.  Helps me pay attention to the everyday things.....and we have some genuinely sweet and hilarious everyday things around here.

 Gotta love this outfit....her pajamas bottoms, sister's dress, another sister's sweater, brother's rubber band gun, my heels and dad's nutella.  This was a pretty complete outfit in her book.  :)  

SHE POOPED IN THE POTTY!!!!!  

  Sweet Raleigh Mae....still sportin' her faux hawk.  :)  

Friday was a good day for us.....followed by some heartache.  It was good because we received some consensus that these bumps are 'most likely' sutures holding my graft together.  Yay for sutures - I'll take those any day over tumors!  But heartache followed that evening when we found out another dear friend was just diagnosed as well with breast cancer.  Ugh.  It makes me mad.  Makes me furious that another friend has to endure this.  Makes my heart ache because I know the journey they are now following.

And yet, here she is encouraging me in profound ways:  here's a quote from what she wrote and later said again over the phone (referring to God's orchestration of all things ) "...that He would be so kind to allow us to serve Him together with you both years ago for a foundation to serve Him together again in this time."  I've been thinking about that over and over again....

That we get to serve through this trial.

And that's part of my intent through sharing in this blog...to somehow, through His sovereign grace, serve you.  To provide raw honesty and show that the Christian life is not a bed of roses - He never promised that.  But He is Good.  Crazy Good in how He reveals mercy after mercy.  And shows me one of His angels.  Oh, that angel.  Because even though cancer stinks, He is still crazy Good.  

So, I will be at the hospital around 5:30 tomorrow morning...Rich will arrive by 7:30 and surgery should hopefully be around 8:00 or 8:30.  This should be much 'simpler'.  Yay - let's just have a boring 'ol routine surgery, eh?  And we're all proceeding with caution since results on my bleeding disorder are still out.  We have quite the combination of amazing friends watching our kiddos for the day.  Please pray that I can be back home tomorrow evening after a really boring surgery and for our friends who are helping watch our crew.  And can I ask you to specifically lift up my friend - let's just call her 's' for now.  :)  They have a big day tomorrow as well as scans and appt with their surgeon.  

I have no idea how to make this happen, but I pray that somehow what is shared on this blog blesses you.  Because as my friend said, we get to serve through this experience.  All for His Glory through our good.

Amen.