(http://www.aholyexperience.com/2014/07/the-pink-outfit-move-beyond-surviving-to-choose-joy-and-rest/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+HolyExperience+%28Holy+Experience%29)
"It’s easy when you’re young to believe dreams can come true.
But if you’ve ever truly had a perfect moment carry you to a place of belief—whether it be a positive pregnancy test, a romance, friendship, a parent, your health, a career, maybe a home or a life-long passion —and then had it taken away, then you know what it feels like to see something perfect end up in the refuse of broken dreams and mismatched opportunities.
You begin to wonder whether anything is worth delighting in again."
The writer goes on to describe the definition of being 'joy-wounded'. I relate to it in terms of being disappointed. And in my case, disappointment leads further down the road of independence and protecting myself from further disappointment. Why? because hoping in something, allowing yourself to experience joy leaves you so stinkin' vulnerable. But independence can also be so very tiring.
Just as so many other spouses have done, are doing and will continue doing, I'm flying solo for a bit. That means I am the de facto parent, teacher, coach, nurse, bad guy, good guy, chauffeur, chef, baker, maid, accountant, lawn person (can't think of the word), life guard, and most recently, plumber. I'm not asking for any accolades - so many of my peers have done it and most for much longer periods of time!
But that leads me to this pic of the current state of affairs in my kitchen: aka my first experience uninstalling a dishwasher. Also a visual of how my brain feels at times. And a good excuse for not cooking dinner tonight...again. :)
Here's the background on the dishwasher: we replaced our broken one a few weeks ago before my husband left. He installed it. It worked. For a week. Then it broke. The week he left. The company agreed to swap it out for a new one, but installation is now on me. :) I have friends standing by waiting for the word to help install the new one, but I figured I wanted to save them time and energy and now that I uninstalled it, I think I know how to install the new one. I think.
After this near disaster (did I mention arm wrestling a rusted valve to try and stop a leak, and yes, the baby scorpion?), I sat down for a breather and read the quote mentioned above.
How true that my past disappointments have led me to a place of such fierce independence. Yes, in many ways, independence is a strength - one that I hope to instill in my kids. But after some time it leads to weariness. So I need to remember to build in rest. Physical rest. Spiritual rest. Emotional and mental rest.
In rest, I can lean in closer to the Father. In rest, I can breathe in His Spirit. In rest, I remember that He has never left my side, nor will ever leave my side. In rest, I can hope and joy again. In His rest, I find strength.
I hope this is a reminder and encouragement for those who are looking to find joy beyond mere survival. God knows it was a much needed and timely reminder for me.
And how appropriate that my first niece, Joy, was born two days ago. Thank you Lord, for Joy.
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