Maybe I can blame it on the hormones and sleep deprivation, but I'm about to be brutally honest about something here: when posed with the question regarding kids, 'knowing what you do, would you do it all over again'??? I didn't immediately answer 'yes, of course!' I know. I know. Feel free to judge me as a less than stellar mom for even hesitating to answer yes, but again, I'm choosing to be transparent here. It's a question that really stuck with me and I wondered what was wrong with me for not immediately answering yes.
See, there are many, many (probably most??) moms who would immediately answer yes to that question. I admire you. I know many of you. I truly respect those moms that are working their very darndest (not sure if that's a word) to raise the next generation in the best way they know how - working moms, stay at home moms, mentor moms, teen moms - all forms. But I, for whatever reason, hesitated in saying yes.
In the end, I came to the conclusion that of course I would have kids all over again...but sometimes, like lately, when it just feels like you're in the thick of it, I question and doubt. I have moments when I couldn't be more thankful to be with my kids in these little years....and then I have moments when I want to run away. I have moments when I'm amazed by the questions they ask...and then I have moments when I just can't take another 'question' and can feel my brain cells dying (again, being brutally honest here). I have moments when I so enjoy watching my kids play...and then I have moments I just want to press a mute and freeze button. I have moments when I truly joy over them and then I have moments when I want to sign them all up for day care and get a job at starbucks..or mcdonald's, or a greeter at WalMart. I have moments when I in am awe of all our little blessings and then I have moments where I want to run away...oops, I already mentioned running away.
So I couldn't really trust my feelings to answer this question. I had to stick with what I 'know' in my head. I know that older moms have said over and over again, 'enjoy the little years...they go by faster than you think.' I have heard them say countless times, 'it's hard, but so worth it'. Sometimes when you're in the thick of it, surrounded by the fog and haze of exhaustion and relentless demands/jobs, it's those seasoned voices that help you through the dark tunnels. It's when those older moms bend down with arms wide open and swoop your kids up in a big 'ol hug that remind you of the joy of little ones.
And when you feel beaten down and at the end of your rope, it's those other moms who are on the same journey with you who come beside you and offer a hand, dust you off, offer a glass of wine, and ease your burden just a bit - these friends are gold. And the really good ones? They hold you accountable: to ask your kids for forgiveness and then tell you to move on. None of us are perfect. Don't beat yourself up. You're doing a good job.
And then factor in the military or any job where you move often, uproot and try to 'root' again, and do this parenting thing often far from family and too often solo while a spouse is in another country. Whew. That's what makes those mentor moms and moms on the same journey that much more precious to me. I appreciate you all so much and you mean more to me than I could ever really express.
See, as long as I've been a mom, we've lived far from family....And growing up, I had a happy childhood, but both my parents worked long hours to make ends meet and when your parents go through a divorce, it tends to suck up their emotional availability. So when I became a mom I had to learn so much from scratch....trial and error...which is why I'm pretty convinced that God sent me some awesome mentors and friends to teach me what I clearly didn't know. I know some a.m.a.z.i.n.g. moms. Not because they are perfect, but because they simply care for those around them in such selfless ways.
Which brings me to a big 'say what'? If you are familiar with Young Life, then you are probably familiar with Young Lives. It's a ministry for teen moms. We've been involved with Young Life for years and have loved working with teens...and though I knew about Young Lives I never felt called to it. Until now. We live in an area where the teen parent population is h.i.g.h. and God has put a burden on my heart for those young moms. And go figure, God has put the same burden on another mom that I'm thankful to call friend. :) When my days are long, my heart aches for those young moms who are pregnant/have kids and who are just kids themselves. See, my days may be trying, but I have one of the most amazingly supportive husbands. e.v.e.r. And he's also an amazing dad. Many teen moms don't have a support network, sometimes not even a place to live (when they get kicked out by family), and oh yeah, are just trying to finish high school.
So after much prayer...and we're still praying...we're hoping to launch Young Lives here. We want to help bring beauty from ashes. Show these young moms the redemption of Jesus. Show them acceptance in Christ instead of condemnation. Look after the fatherless. Save lives of both babies and moms and dads. See families restored. We're just a couple of moms who sometimes don't exactly feel like we're doing the job right with our own kids...but we feel burdened for our city of teen moms. I feel wholly under qualified for this endeavor, but just trusting His lead. Please pray for us as we begin this adventure.
And to those friends who have 'mothered' me, Happy Mother's Day!
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