I just need to get the words out before I lose the sense of their weight and chicken out of writing...so this may not exactly be poetic prose, but here goes.
Today kind of felt like a bombardment of bits of news that all had a common theme....one of uncertainty. I spoke with a couple friends who are experiencing some major uncertainty in their lives and then we found out some news from work and family that kind of rocked our little world.
And you know what my first instinct was? To grasp harder at those things threatened by uncertainty. My comfort, plans, possessions, privacy....and then the Lord quickly pointed out to me that the very things I was going to try and hold onto even tighter were not really ever mine. It's like an example that C.S. Lewis uses regarding the lady who thinks she has some quiet time to herself in her home only to have it interrupted by a neighbor knocking on the door. She's grouchy because the neighbor just interrupted her 'quiet' time....but he points out that though the quiet time was within grasp, it was never hers for the Lord had other plans..that included her neighbor coming to her door. And so I was reminded of the same...that these things that I feel like can be taken away or threatened in the future are not really mine to begin with. So why should I even bother acting as if it was? Act like I have something that is being threatened and try even holder to maintain my grip on it?
Instead, my friend reminded me of how my attitude should be...that I should hold these things loosely, knowing that it's all His anyways.
And so I choose to graciously hold these things, open handed and palms facing up ready to give these things if the Lord asks us to, but keenly aware that He never leaves us empty handed.
Which brings me to another point.....Abundance. Give me a moment to explain how these two are tied together in my mind.
I was loading groceries into the refrigerator a few days ago and was struck by how much abundance we have. In soooo many ways. In the deli drawer of my fridge alone I have FIVE different types of cheese. It makes me happy. And so aware of the many different levels of abundance we have.
Growing up, my parents were immigrants and we didn't have a lot of money...not that I ever felt poor or felt like I had a disadvantage of any sort growing up. I just remember that my parents worked a lot...sometimes on Christmas...and we didn't have a ton of presents or toys. I never felt like I was really missing out on anything, though.
And with the contrast of our abundance now, I sometimes feel the temptation of guilt creep up. But I'm constantly convicted that God didn't bless us only to have us feel guilty for His gifts. How twisted would it be if I gave me son Legos and then expected him to feel guilty in return for the gift I gave him? No, instead, He's given us gifts to use and multiply for His Glory and pour out on others for His Name's sake. It reminds me of the parable of talents....use what He's given you, be a good steward of it, multiply it. Then, in the pouring out of ourselves, He fills our cup to overflowing....I believe this because I've experienced it and know it to be real.
So, back to the uncertainty. Just like the things He's given us in abundance, I will hold the items of uncertainty with open hands....pour it forth and know that He will fill us to overflowing with things of eternal significance.
If anyone else is experiencing uncertainty in the beginning of this new year I hope some of this resonates with you as well...
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