And if we're going to get real honest here, I think it was about me. In reading about the 37 years, my heart ached for the man. Because as we draw close to the two year mark of my diagnosis and surgeries and recoveries, there is a part of me that wants to wrestle with God and ask 'why?'. Why was it SO hard? Please let me be beyond clear here: I am not questioning the sovereignty of God or that He is good and in control. I just have this really simplistic desire to know 'why'. Because it brings me closer to know WHO He is. I so desperately want to understand why He saw the suffering as necessary. I completely understand the concept of trials producing endurance and refinement and the value in it....but I'm talking about the suffering that seems, dare I say, excessive. Why did the man need to be blind for 37 years? His whole childhood and into his adult life? Why did I lose so much blood and have so many complications during my first surgery? Why do we see children suffering through unspeakable abuse and disease?
And it's in the wrestling that God revealed this to me. It was the pain and heartbrokenness from a complicated surgery that stripped away every shred of pretense that I had and I finally came before God with an honesty that some may consider brutal, but I now see as real for the first time. And perhaps, that was what it was all about. Getting past every shred of my protective layers to the point of complete, desperate submission before Him.
I recently stumbled on a talk by John Bevere, who spoke about finding our calling. He passionately explained the difference between what we 'do' and what we are called to do, and how we will one day be held accountable for these things. Lo and behold, that IS what scripture says...in Corinthians, Romans, Revelations....we will be held accountable for what we did according to our calling.
This is what it means for me: before my diagnosis, I lived in the comfort of being an 'active' believer..... tithing, volunteering, being involved, building relationships, having kids, navigating the adventures of parenthood, opening up our home, doing bible studies, striving to be a 'good' wife, etc. But cancer quickly taught me that my time on this earth is perhaps not as long or as comfortable as I had once thought. And so I best get busy doing what God has called me to do on this earth vs just doing things that are good. I believe I was given a second chance to understand that I have been called to something unique to me by God and there should be an urgency to do it.
The hard part is discerning our calling, right? Duh. As my good friend said, wouldn't it be nice if God just revealed our calling to us in a burning bush like Moses' Yes. It would. But perhaps that's part of the journey...He builds our faith while revealing our calling.
I don't think I can precisely state what my specific calling is on this earth yet...I do have the responsibility and privilege of being wife, momma, friend, etc... I like driving fast cars....I love adventure...I love the mountains. But something I find a passion to do and have always found is connecting people. I LOVE meeting people and finding ways to help individuals connect to each other ('oh, you homeschool? This gal, over here could be your friend!'.....'You do Young Life??? Yes!'...'You started a business to raise funds for amputees? Awesome! I know someone who could totally use your help!'...'You know a teen mom who needs some lovin'? Yes! I know just the person you need to meet'). I can't put a name to this passion (it's a stretch to call this a skill or talent, right??? :)), but I do know it's somewhat unique to me and it's been a constant passion throughout my life.
SO, with that said. Here's my big first step in a project I have had in mind for quite a while. Is this my calling? I dunno. This could be the first and last of these posts....or it could be one more step of obedience that reveals my calling. Who knows. This also serves as my disclaimer that this is the first ever interview I have done and forgive me for the sound quality...I'm still sorting through the world of audio equipment/programs/etc. I promise to make it better. But in the mean time...
For now, I'll spare you the whole back story of why I wanted to do these interviews....the bottom line is that I know so many stories of incredible, every day women who are STRONG. They have a strength that is not purely defined by muscle mass or popularity. These are ordinary women doing the extraordinary through Christ and I want to highlight their stories to encourage others.
Since October is National Domestic Abuse Awareness Month, I present to you "Mrs. Dawni and her story". Again, please be patient and gentle with me....the interview is 25 minutes long and the presentation may not be perfect, but content is there.
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