A Good Place

I was sneaking out the door this morning and it struck me that a year ago I was doing the same thing. But for a much different reason.  Last year, I nursed Raleigh Mae one final time, gave her a big hug, wiped away some tears, quietly put her back to sleep and Rich and I 'snuck' out the door for a quiet drive to prepare for my bilateral mastectomy.  This time I was quietly sneaking out of the house for a RUN.  Wow.

Me and my Raleigh post run.  :)  

We've hit so many milestones recently that have taken my breath away and brought tears to my eyes. I'm so incredibly thankful to be here this side of heaven, breathing deep with my feet planted on this earth with my family and friends.  For Goodness Sake - I went for a run today!  A year ago I barely had enough blood to keep me alive.  I am in a good place today.

Rich and I have talked about future college savings, future moves/assignments/jobs, future places to live; we've talked about the future with Hope.  Last year I wasn't sure if I would be alive for another month, or two or year and every thought of the future with our kids brought tears of fear and questioning....not sure if I would be around for their significant milestones.  I am in a good place today.

I understand so much more about my body and how God created us to thrive.  A year ago, I could barely wrap my mind around how cancer had gotten a foothold in my body.  I am in a good place today.

And yet, if I truly believe that the Holy God of the Universe loves me enough that He sent His one and only Son to die for me, then perhaps the truth is that I've been in a good place all along.  

Let me explain.  I heard something in church that made me think.  Really think.  Below is a devotional from Charles Spurgeon and the highlighted part is what our guest pastor quoted this past Sunday.

"He shall choose our inheritance for us." 
Psalms 47:4

Believer, if your inheritance be a lowly one you should be satisfied with your earthly portion; for you may rest assured that it is the fittest for you. Unerring wisdom ordained your lot, and selected for you the safest and best condition. A ship of large tonnage is to be brought up the river; now, in one part of the stream there is a sandbank; should some one ask, "Why does the captain steer through the deep part of the channel and deviate so much from a straight line?" His answer would be, "Because I should not get my vessel into harbour at all if I did not keep to the deep channel." So, it may be, you would run aground and suffer shipwreck, if your divine Captain did not steer you into the depths of affliction where waves of trouble follow each other in quick succession. Some plants die if they have too much sunshine. It may be that you are planted where you get but little, you are put there by the loving Husbandman, because only in that situation will you bring forth fruit unto perfection. Remember this, had any other condition been better for you than the one in which you are, divine love would have put you there. You are placed by God in the most suitable circumstances, and if you had the choosing of your lot, you would soon cry, "Lord, choose my inheritance for me, for by my self-will I am pierced through with many sorrows." Be content with such things as you have, since the Lord has ordered all things for your good. Take up your own daily cross; it is the burden best suited for your shoulder, and will prove most effective to make you perfect in every good word and work to the glory of God. Down busy self, and proud impatience, it is not for you to choose, but for the Lord of Love!

"Trials must and will befall- 
But with humble faith to see 
Love inscribed upon them all; 
This is happiness to me." 

It made me think.  Even through cancer.  Even through tough surgeries.  Even through losses.  Even through the hardest heartbreak you can imagine.  Even through your current trials and storms.  If there was any better place to be, He would put you there.      

I may never understand or see this side of Heaven, the full extent and purpose of His Glory in our past year.  But I do know that God is good.  And that God loves me.  And that He is Holy.  And those are never changing Truths.  And so, logically, I have to trust His Sovereign Grace and Love and Purpose of our past year, present and future.

A couple more things I learned.  When I woke up from the second surgery, I had tears in my eyes as I asked Rich if he had seen the Angel.  I passed out, woke up again and asked him the same thing.  I realize that I had tears in my eyes because it was such an awe-some and for lack of a better word, terrifying sight (I often get frustrated that I can't find the right words to describe what I saw).  It was overwhelming.  In an instant I knew I saw something extra-ordinary that was from God.  And yet, if that Angel, evoked such a response in me, how much more awe-some must God be?  If God created that Angel, then His presence would be infinitely more overwhelming than what I saw after my second surgery.  As an old pastor says, God is white-hot-Holy.  And yet, in an incredible twist, God offers access to Himself as our Father.  The one to call 'daddy', who knows our  heartbreaks, hears our cries and holds us through the storms.  Y'all.  I still have a hard time wrapping my mind around this incredible love the Holiest of Holies has for us.  But I know this is a good place to be.  I hope this finds you in a good place today.