Our story one year later

One year ago, today, at around this same time, I received the phone call with my diagnosis of breast cancer.

Whew.  We have come SO FAR.  Thank you, Jesus!  Thank you, Lord!  Sometimes I am in complete awe and can't help but think 'why have You been SO good to me and my family?'.  Our story could look so very different right now and the weight of that is not lost on me.

Our pastor asked if I would share our testimony at church this Sunday and I think the timing is so ...well, timely.  :)  And I'm happy to share because the bible tells us that we honor God when we remember what He has done for us.  And so I am happy to remember and never forget.  I will not dwell on the scars, but thankfully remember just how far the Lord has brought us.  And though I haven't spoken in front of a group about something so personal in a long time, I am happy to have the privilege of publicly remembering what God has done for us.

Psalm 105: 1-5 "Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon His name.  Make known His deeds among the peoples!  Sing to Him, sing praises to Him; tell of all His wondrous works!  Glory in His Holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice!  Seek the Lord and His strength; seek His presence continually.  Remember the wondrous works that He has done..." 

And that's why I also decided to write a memoir for our kiddos.  I am so grateful that they don't understand the full extent of what cancer means or comprehend the fear that comes with that diagnosis.  But when they are older, I want them to fully grasp and understand what God has done for our family.  I want sweet Raleigh Mae to know that God even used her in my belly to discover the tumor.

There is so much wrapped up in what I plan on sharing this Sunday and I wanted to share a little bit here.

While I would have never chosen to walk this path and fight this battle, I would never trade what I have learned about God.  When I think of where I was a year ago, my heart breaks a little because I remember how I felt.  I remember the heartache, fear, devastation all wrapped up in my chest....yet I remember there was always Hope.  Part of me wishes I could go back to that girl, grab her by the shoulders (because as my friend says that is what you do when you want someone to take you seriously), lift up her chin, wipe away the tears, look her square in the eye and remind her that God is good and He is in Control.  That somehow in the year to come I will understand how our Good and His Glory are inexplicably intertwined.  I could never have imagined then what I know now.

When I prayed about what to share in my testimony, I felt led to share my story to encourage others who may be going through a struggle.  Big or small.  Immediate or long term.  Where you are now in your journey may seem completely hopeless and futile.  You may question what God is doing or even question God Himself.  But please hear my heart when I say, He has never left your side, and never will.  He promises your good and His Glory and when the time is right, He will reveal your story.  And I promise you will not be disappointed, but will be compelled to love our Lord even more.  You may be walking through the fire right now, but you will not be left there.  You will walk through the fire, with a faith that is refined and you will see Him more clearly than before.

I hope someone is encouraged or remembers my story when they need encouragement in the future.  All Glory to Him.  

a few day after surgery #1

Raleigh Mae's first trip to Colorado!

almost a year later....typical family photo :)