Mission and My Friend's Dream

I finally had the chance to talk to one of my dearest friends over the phone last week.  My soul friend from Colorado.  She's one of those gals that is not only beautiful on the outside, but has a sincere depth in her soul that I admire and respect and love about her.

She called to tell me a dream she had about me.

I'll get to the dream in a minute.....

In the meantime, I am somewhat embarrassed with what I'm about to share.  I don't have a great way to explain it.  But I felt like everywhere I looked I saw tragedy and death.  From the global tragedy of ISIS, national disasters, listening to friends who are struggling with not knowing the future of their sick babies, a dead bird on the sidewalk of our morning walk route....I just felt overwhelmed with what I'll call for lack of a better word, 'death sightings'.   The embarrassing part is that part of me wanted to run from it all - in a sense I didn't want to embrace these tragedies...I wanted to get as far from them as possible.  Having cancer and rough surgeries kind of feels like coming face to face with death.  Let me be clear, though:  I know that my physical death is not the end and that my future is in Heaven with God, the Lord Almighty.  But for some reason, I just felt like death/the end of earthly things was always right around the corner.  I just wanted to ignore it all.  And I kind of did.

Then we were sitting in church listening to a guest pastor preach about being on mission for Christ.  Being intentional about sharing the good news of Life Eternal with the broken.  It was a very relevant message, but I had no idea how relevant.  He shared some stories of how his church back home was investing in their community, specifically a young lady....it was a very sweet story and then all the sudden I heard him say 'she passed away after being diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer'.  Whew.  My heart kind of skipped a beat...not the good kind of 'skipped a beat'.  I felt like God was literally telling me to 'pay attention' to what I'm sharing with you.

Because for whatever reason.  Not due to my own merit.  Not due to any righteousness of my own.  Not due to anything else other than God.  Not due to anything I have done/accomplished.  For whatever reason, God in His mercy, has granted me a second chance.  I don't understand why I was able to find cancer in the earlier stages vs. a metastasized cancer.  I don't understand why I was given a glimpse of the Angel.  There is nothing I have done to earn this second chance.  It is sheer Grace from the Maker of the Universe.  That's it.  Nothing of me, all by His Grace, I have been given a second chance.  I have no idea how many years this second chance includes...none of us do.  I just know that this second chance involves a mission.

And part of that mission is to share Good News with the broken and those that don't know Him.  That's it, pure and simple.  This can look different from day to day.  Somedays I feel like I've blown it before the clock even reads 8:30, kids are whining and this momma is short on Grace.  But my 'second chance' means I dust myself off and get my 'rear in gear'.

Back to my friend's dream.  There was a funny background to the dream where she, Rich and I were in the Army together....but at some point I was in a terrible wreck/accident.  After the wreck she and I were hugging and through tears and the smoke I looked down and realized that I was not hurt.  Despite the terrible wreck, I was okay.  Talk about making me cry.  Can I say how powerful words of Hope and Future are for me these days?  I was in a terrible wreck, but I was okay.  I don't know what this dream specifically means for the future, but I do know that it took my breath away when she told me about it.

I was in a terrible wreck called cancer.  But His Mercy sustains me.  So I am now on mission.  To share His Hope and Love for the broken and lost.

I have said before that food has nothing to do with the salvation of your soul.  It has zilch to do with where your soul resides.  That said, part of my mission is to share how to be good stewards of the bodies given us by our Creator.

I mentioned that this post would be about carbohydrates, which has gotten a bad rap these days.  With all the gluten-free, 'don't eat rice because of arsenic', atkins, paleo, 'apples are a bad fruit because they have too many carbs', count your carbs type of food trends it is hard to know what is what.

First, we have to differentiate between types of carbohydrates.  Bread has carbohydrates.  So does spinach.  So does an apple.  Not all carbohydrates are equal.  I think the most common trend is being 'grain free'.  This refers mostly to those who are gluten free (although there are a ton of other grains, too!) due to sensitivity or being diagnosed with Celiac's.  You've probably heard about the theory behind grains, specifically, wheat and why it is wreaking havoc on the health of so many...how the crop was hybridized (for reasons other than nourishment or health!) to create a higher yield and it contains much higher levels of gluten than the original version.  Not to mention the crops that are GMOs (much more of that later....).

Here is our family's practice of grains.  We eat grains.  It includes homemade sourdough bread, soaked and sprouted grains.  That's about it.  Ezekial Bread and Angelic House Bakery are some brands that offer these options.  This is how we balance grains and carbohydrates:  We fill up on the most nutritious/nourishing carbohydrates first, then add in a slice of toast/roll/wrap.   What does that look like?  At dinner, I've started offering my kids their veggies (again, veggies DO have some carbohydrates) first (some get bigger portions than others...the key is they TRY it), then the main meal.  Seconds are offered after another serving of veggies.  After they are full dessert is offered.

It simply allows me to get our kiddos used to the taste of veggies (I read it can take up to 30 times of exposing a kid to a new taste before they accept it!), and I take advantage of their hungry appetites when they are more likely to just eat something because they are hungry.  Hope that helps and makes sense.

For now, my mini mission includes getting this crew to swim lessons and back with momma's sanity in check!  :)

            

For the First Time

It is a gorgeous day here.  And for the first time we just did a family 5K!  And for the first time in a lloooong time, I ran more than a mile.  And for the first time, I actually prayed before the race.  See, we signed up for this race a while ago with the idea that Rich and one of the older two kids would do the 5K run and I would walk and push the stroller with the little ones.  Cause I just wasn't all that sure I could do it.  But somehow, come the day of the race, we decided to give it a try and see if all 7 of us could stick together for the 5K.  With two bikes and two strollers, we did it!  But I wasn't thinking too far ahead and planning for the ride/run there and back which was about another 3 miles.  Once I started doing the math (like the night before), I was really wondering if this was a good idea for me....  so I prayed that I would just be able to do it.  No personal records or even looking pretty...just finish.  Because honestly, I don't feel 'in shape', but since my kiddos wanted to run, I was in (oh God, please help me.  eeks. )

The sweatshirts were quickly ditched!  

This boy used to be in OT once a week!  SO proud of him for finishing....and a little bribery goes a long way.  aka chocolate milkshake smoothie!  :)  

Anyway, all drama aside, we had a GREAT time.  The kiddos did great and we had a really, really fun family morning.  And after getting home, I kind of started diminishing the accomplishment....because I didn't exactly run fast...but a phrase came to mind that a friend passed on to me a while ago.  Give yourself some Grace.  God is Good.  Five months ago I couldn't even feed myself.  God is Good.  And I read something important in a book called Treasuring Christ When Your Hands Are Full by Gloria Furman.  Though it was speaking specifically about parenting, it applies in so many ways.  "If we want to give grace to our children, then first we must be willing to receive it ourselves from God." (p. 63)





So, I am going to receive His Grace and say a big 'ol yippe!  We did it!  We ran a family 5K.  :)

And before I mention a few more specifics about my cancer battle plan, can I emphasize again that in this pursuit of what is sometimes called 'clean eating' let's have grace.  For each other and ourselves.  There can be a lot of judgment in the area of health and wellness, but let's not forget the grace that has been lavished on us folks, and remember the reason behind 'eating clean'.

I love this quote framed in my friend's kitchen.... I think I have mentioned/posted this before, but I wanted to include it again.

"O God, bless this food which has been set before us.  May it nourish our bodies to make us stronger so that we will be more fit to serve Thee.  In God's name we ask it.  Amen. "  

Since the last post so many have been SO encouraging!  Thank you for cheering me on.  To say it means a lot is a huge understatement.  Truly, thank you for the encouragement, friends. 

And some are curious about more specifics so I'll keep sharing with a few caveats:

1) I am learning as I go.  If you have stuff to share with me, awesome, please do!  If you have seen something counter to what I share, please let me know!  As I mentioned earlier, I pray all the time for discernment between the real deal and quackery. 

2) I am not a scientist.  Nor do I hold any fancy schmancy degrees.  I simply research, listen and read as much as I can and rely on the research of those with the degrees.  Just because I do something and it works for me, I can't call it 'evidence-based', which is the gold standard.  But I can tell you the positive effects of what we do  - how I feel, how much energy I have, how my tastebuds have changed, and the lack of negative effects.  

3) I don't ascribe to a specific diet.  I am not on a paleo, whole-30, vegetarian, raw, atkins, ketogenic, or calorie counting diet.  As far as diet goes, we simply eat nourishing foods that are as close to it's original source as possible.  Hope that makes sense and answers some questions about 'what kind of diet I follow.'  

That said:  a few things regarding my last post about sugar.  This one relates to my kids:  in our home, we've cut out sugar.  I don't cook or bake with sugar (white refined sugar).  Our kiddos aren't big enough to cook for themselves yet so they have to eat what I make.  Trust me, that does NOT mean my kids are angelic little eaters who say, yes, more kale, please.   But as their tastebuds have changed, they do appreciate how sweet fruit and berries are!  And there are so many, many dessert recipes out there you can make with alternate sweeteners.  But on the flip side, when they are at school I have zero control over their snacks so they still do eat sugar.  It is what it is.  And when we go to a birthday party, they do have cake. :)  I don't love the selection of treats and snacks offered, but I'm okay with those treats because it is more along the lines of an occasional treat vs having sugar with every single meal.  Hope that makes sense.  

As I mentioned earlier:  I'm not on a specific diet, other than a 'kick-cancer's-@ss-' diet.  Let's start with the macronutrients: 1) protein 2) carbohydrates and 3) fats.

Regarding protein, it is hugely important as the building blocks for our body.  It helps our body heal and repair and grow.  We need protein.  Simple as that.  But there is a difference in quality of protein.  We choose grass fed local beef over conventional beef for a few reasons.  Grass fed beef has higher levels of CLA (conjugated linoleic acid) which has been shown to fight cancer.  http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16500874

"CLA has been shown in numerous animal studies since 1994 to promote health and fight disease. From cancer fighting to weight loss, CLA is being touted worldwide as a ‘must have’ in your diet for optimal health today and into tomorrow. CLA has also been shown to reduce the risk for heart disease (The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, May 2010.)" http://draxe.com/cancer-fighting-cla-higher-in-grass-fed-beef/

Grass fed beef also has a higher ratio of Omega-3's and less hormones (cancer cells thrive in an environment with excess hormones like estrogen).  

"Another benefit of omega-3s is that they may reduce your risk of cancer.  
In animal studies, these essential fatty acids have slowed the growth of a wide array of cancers and kept them from spreading.⁵  Although the human research is in its infancy, researchers have shown that omega-3s can slow or even reverse the extreme weight loss that accompanies advanced cancer.⁶  They can also hasten recovery from cancer surgery.⁷  Furthermore, animal studies suggest that people with cancer who have high levels of omega-3s in their tissues may respond better to chemotherapy than people with low levels.⁸ Omega-3s are most abundant in seafood and certain nuts and seeds such as flaxseeds and walnuts, but they are also found in grassfed animal products.  
The reason that grassfed animals have more omega-3s than grainfed animals is that omega-3s are formed in the green leaves (specifically the chloroplasts) of plants. Sixty percent of the fat content of grass is a type of omega-3 fatty acid called alpha-linolenic or LNA"  http://www.americangrassfedbeef.com/grass-fed-natural-beef.asp

Another 'plus' is that "CLA reduces body fat but not body weight in healthy exercising humans of normal body weight.".  http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11725826

On the flip side, the jury is still out on the effects of consuming meat and whether or not it raises your risk for cancer.  Some say yay, some say nay.  I haven't come to a conclusion yet, so in the meantime, we consume meat in moderation and also focus on consuming complete protein from plant sources (hemp hearts, chia seeds, quinoa are all great options!).   To be more detailed, as a family of seven, our meat consumption for one week includes about 1 1/2 lbs of grass fed beef, one whole organic chicken and wild caught salmon.  Obviously, different folks in our family eat different amounts based on needs (i.e. Rich eats more meat protein than I do!), but this has become a good balance for us.  

You can get grass-fed meat, free range poultry and wild seafood from a local farmer (we split half a cow with another family) or these great sources: U.S. Wellness Meats http://grasslandbeef.com/, Wise Choice Market http://www.wisechoicemarket.com/, Tropical Traditions http://www.grassfedtraditions.com/grass_fed_beef.htm, Vital Choice Wild Seafood and Organics http://www.vitalchoice.com/shop/pc/viewCategories.asp?idCategory=279.  

Hope that helps for now, and I'll discuss more about carbohydrates next time!       

  

Here goes nothing

I have started and erased, started and erased this post a few too many times.

Some folks have asked for the specifics on what I am currently doing for cancer treatment.

And there's also a question of 'do I still have cancer'?  Well, yes.  and no.  Different docs have given me different opinions based on my pathology report..'you have clean margins'...'you don't have clean margins'.....all docs agree, though, that my treatment should include chemotherapy and radiation.  

I guess it's obvious by now, though, that we are taking a different route.

Both the conventional and alternative worlds agree that everyone has precancerous cells in their bodies.  So what makes these precancerous cells turn into actual cancer?  Here is where the conventional and alternate paths diverge:  My conventional docs say it is 'random' and 'sporadic' and 'it just happens'.  Because only roughly 10% of breast cancer is genetic.  The rest 'just happens'.  The alternate opinion is that our immune system is what keeps these precancerous cells in check.  When our immune system is compromised in a significant manner, precancerous cells are given the opportunity and the right conditions to turn into actual cancer.  Ty Bollinger, a huge advocate for information on 'alternate' cancer treatments, describes the root cause of cancer as a compromised immune system.  

Can I post another disclaimer once again here????  There is not one bit of judgement or condemnation in the following posts that I will write about my cancer fighting regime.  Nada.  Not an iota.  Please read that again.  Regardless of what you or someone you know chooses for their cancer treatment, I am not here to judge.  My heart is to share what I know and let the decision be yours.  I feel like I've gained a wealth of incredible information over the last six months and I am just bursting at the seams to share.  And so much of what I've learned can be used in conjunction with conventional treatment like chemotherapy and radiation.  A cancer battle is deeply personal....I had no idea how hard decisions would be for us.  So, again.  No judgement here.  Just encouragement and a desire to share what I have learned and continue to learn.

And in regards to learning:  one of the most invaluable, intangible skills I gained through college was the ability to learn.  The practice of teaching and educating myself....learning how to learn.  I was not a fan of the Thayer method (where you basically teach yourself and ask questions in class), but geesh, I am so thankful for it now.  Much of my learning has been through books, articles, internet and interviews....along the way I have definitely encountered some 'quackery' and you quickly learn to discern real, evidence based research from the quacks.  One of my prayer is to always have this discernment.

I'm so nervous about sharing more specifics about my cancer fighting regime.  And I say cancer fighting because that's what this is.  I am not preventing it.  I've already had it.  boo.  Now I fight it the best I can everyday.

My kiddos had their first swim team practice yesterday.  Of course, we had the most unseasonal weather.  We live in the desert and have had gorgeous weather all week yet a thunderstorm broke out just before practice.  It subsided in time so my kiddos hopped in the pool and shivered their way through their very first practice.  I was so proud of them.  Not because of their mileage or how awesome their technique was (at some point Ada just hung on to the neck of her coach :)), but because they jumped into that chilly water in some less than favorable conditions and made it to the end.  I am proud of them just for trying despite being uncomfortable and a little nervous.  So it's their momma's turn.

I'm a bit uncomfortable with sharing the specifics and hugely nervous, but life wasn't meant to be played in a 'safe' arena.  One of my favorite quotes is from The Chronicles of Narnia, describing Aslan:  "He isn't safe, but he is good."  What I hope to continue sharing may not be safe, but it is goodness that I feel convicted to share.

The simplified overview of what I am doing right now is a lifestyle that involves:
1) optimizing my immune system.  Did you know that 80% of your immune system is located in your gut??  I'm fascinated with the microbiome right now.  
2) Nutrition has been the gateway for my cancer fighting regime.  This includes, yes, organic and non-GMOs. (you can argue that organic and non-GMOs may cost more, but I consider it an investment.  Besides, it's cheaper than our latest bill from MD Anderson!
3) Removing toxins (environmental, cosmetic, household cleaners, etc.)
4) supplementing for the micronutrients that I may be deficient in (I read a study where every single breast cancer patient was deficient in magnesium)
 5) finding alternate, natural, plant based sources of cleaners and cosmetics.  There is so much research regarding the efficacy of therapeutic grade essential oils (there is some serious science behind this!)
6) managing stress.  I used to disregard the significance of stress because I'm not the personality to sit by the road side and cry, but I am learning about stress in a new way.  If you had someone honking a horn at you every few minutes during the day, you would be stressed.  Based on your personality, you may not visibly react to it, but your body reacts in a 'fight' or 'flight' mode and that is what a 'stressor' is.

As I mentioned, nutrition has been the gateway for learning about overall health and wellness.  In my recent hands on nutrition class one of the first things I taught about was sugar.  Refined white table sugar.  There is zero nutritional value in it.  http://www.westonaprice.org/health-topics/replacing-refined-sugars-with-natural-sugars-one-step-at-a-time/. 

" ...Refined sugar contains no fiber, no minerals, no proteins, no fats, no enzymes, only empty calories. What happens when you eat a refined carbohydrate like sugar? Your body must borrow vital nutrients from healthy cells to metabolize the incomplete food. Calcium, sodium, potassium and magnesium are taken from various parts of the body to make use of the sugar."  http://rense.com/general45/sguar.htm

It only harms.  It is addictive (don't believe me?  just trying cutting out all refined white sugar for just three days)  I'm not talking about sugar in the form of glucose which our bodies need as fuel for our cells (think fruits and veggies).  I'm talking about the refined white table sugar that somehow has found it's way into almost every ingredient label and is in almost every kid cereal, snack bar, drink, sauce, condiment, etc.  Some folks can go cold turkey (cancer was a good motivator for me!), but if you can't go cold turkey, at least limit it.  Maybe you pay attention to labels a little more and choose products that have less than 10g of sugar and gradually decrease from there.  Maybe you go from 3 sodas a week to 1.  Maybe it means dessert after only dinner vs every meal or just four times a week.  Whatever works for you, whatever is achievable, go for it.  We are sugar laden and it is wreaking havoc on our health.  I launched cold turkey into dropping sugar when I learned that sugar fuels cancer.  

Now see how that can sound so judgmental and a bit like 'don't eat this, don't drink that, don't use this, don't, don't, don't...'  So, here's my 'do's'.  In moderation, do use natural sweeteners.  So far I haven't seen research against the use of stevia.  Local raw honey provides nutritional benefits.  Grade B Maple Syrup.  Black Strap Molasses.  Dates.  Just to name a few.  Here is a site with some great information regarding natural sweeteners. http://draxe.com/natural-sweeteners/ 

If you have any more questions regarding sugar, feel free to ask!  If someone who used to have ice with cereal for breakfast can cut out sugar, then so can you.  :)





 

A Little Bit of Help

I'm not sure why I feel so compelled to write this.  It doesn't seem profound.  But this has been such a relevant lesson that I've learned since my diagnosis six months ago.   

I love feeling competent, confident and capable.  It's empowering to feel like you have something to offer, some way to help, something to bring to the table.

I was raised with a strong work ethic and learned responsibility young.  Aside from my girl scout cookie selling fiasco (had something to do with NOT writing down who ordered what and a huge mound of confusion and cookies!), I learned from parents who worked hard, every day, including holidays, to provide a warm bed and meals.

And somehow in the midst of the hard work, my parents instilled a love of sharing with others.  Maybe it's the community they were a part of, but I just grew up enjoying sharing things:  something new that I discovered, yummy food, a great sale and life, in general.  That may sound boastful, but please understand, it's not:  God has slowly, but surely been revealing how this combination of competence, confidence, capability and ability to share somehow became so intertwined with pride.   My big ol', p.r.i.d.e.

When you're diagnosed with cancer and then knocked flat on your tush after surgeries, you learn so much of where your identity is rooted.  Let's face it:  when you've got young kiddos you do need to be capable to a certain point because you are after all, raising souls and that takes a lot of work!  But, I thrived in being able to 'do it all'.  To get it all done.....even if it looked ugly, my mantra was too often 'I can do it'.

My husband describes the time of diagnosis, birth of #5 and recovery from multiple surgeries as a 'full court press' of help from friends and family.  I look back and am amazed that we endured.....but it's much more a testimony of how our community of family and friends deeply loved us in practical, sacrificial ways.  And what a humbling experience it has been.  To be in a place of receiving SO much and not being able to give back revealed a pride that was dug down deep and rooted in my ability to 'do it all'.

I am learning...slowly, but surely.

Last weekend, after we checked out with groceries, someone asked if they could help me to my car.  I automatically started to say 'thanks, but we're good'....and then literally, said "Actually, yes.  That would be awesome."  I could lug kids and groceries to the car.  I could physically do it.  But God just nudged me and said, 'why not accept the help?'.

After getting the kids in bed I returned to the sink to clean up from dinner.  My amazing husband said 'I'll take care of that...why don't you go sit down and relax.'  I automatically started to say 'it's okay...it's not a lot...', but again God whispered 'why don't you go sit down and take a breather.....it's been a l.o.n.g. day'.  And I actually read through SIX magazines that had collected over the past few months!

Yesterday, I pulled into the driveway just in time for one of my kiddos to have a classic puke event.  The type of puke (the word sounds just as yucky as it is, doesn't it???) that gets into all the crevices, cracks, and buckles and you know it's going to be a down and dirty clean up effort (no way I was going to get away with one paper towel for this one!).  At the same time, a friend I admire in many ways, happened to be dropping off some grocery treats.  She asked if she could help.  I automatically wanted to say 'It's okay...it's under control, don't worry about it'.  But she swooped in, helped me unload the kiddos from the car, got them inside while I dealt with removing said pukey kid and car seat.

Recently, we've had a young family of three living with us.  They were in a period of transition between deployment and PCS and we found ourselves with new roommates (I say roommates because they did their own cooking and cleaning and living while we shared fellowship).  It's a gift to be in a place where we can share our home with someone. For our roommates, I think a home and big backyard was a better option than a hotel room for a month.  But there was a huge blessing for us:  to live in community and fellowship.  We each had our own responsibilities and rhythms and routines, which allowed us to share life in a way that doesn't happen very often.  God let us be in a place to finally give back and share, but the blessing was so unexpected!    

So, long story short.  It's a great exercise in humility to be able to accept help.  Again, I don't know why this was on my heart to share, but there it is.  Maybe you're in a season of being the helper.  Maybe it's your season of being the helped.  But in helping and being helped there is somehow a thread of community being woven.  And I think that's one of the many ways God meant for us to live life together.  

Here's a pic of Raleigh, just for fun.  Sittin' up....and yep, me and my orangey hand (still juicing those carrots, y'all!).