The dreaded F word....

Does anyone else remember the choose-your-own-adventure books growing up?  I have vivid memories of devouring those books one after another.  You would start with one scenario, then you were offered one of two choices for the next scenario and so on until you got to the end.  Of course I would always go back and try every single combination of scenarios until I exhausted every outcome.  And that is what my brain does when I give in to the dreaded F word....FEAR.

I don't typically think of myself as a worrier....or someone who has any abnormal fears (except snakes...I don't even like the stuffed animal versions...much less those pretending to be harmless behind glass displays....yuck, yuck, yuck....I would shoot one with a shotgun in a heartbeat).  But lately, I have been thinking of so many 'what if' scenarios.

 It's everything from little to big things.... we just had some hand, foot, mouth nastiness around here and I started thinking 'what if we just keep passing it on and we never kick it and never get to play with other people ever again?? it'll just keep mutating and between six folks in this house we'll just keep kicking it back and forth and become hermits for the next year and be known as those weird hand,foot,mouth people'.  See??  I quickly digress into a hopeless scenario.  Or swing to the other end of 'big stuff'....regarding our job and the Army - separation boards are coming up and my husband's class is one of those under evaluation.  What if in some crazy scenario we get separated and all the sudden we have no job (because I don't currently work...but I guess maybe I SHOULD be working then, just in case....or go back to school and get another degree...but what would I study???) and what if we need to move again?  I start analyzing our savings and investments and wonder what if?? Wow.  I'm pretty sure I burn more calories with my mental worry than I do in a 5 mile run.  And of course there is everything in between..... what if my kids grown up to be miscreants and terrors to society?...what if my kids fall in a pool and drown (almost happened today)?...what if I eat this/that and the chemicals cause me to grow a tumor in five years?...what if we buy this couch now and regret it???...

I am not saying to throwing prudence and wisdom to the wind...but there is a mighty fine line between wisdom and fear.   I walk that tightrope daily...sometimes hourly.

So, I was wrestling with how to combat these fears.  Because if you let it run rampant, it can devour you, your thoughts, and above all, your witness.  And then a verse came to mind from Proverbs:  "The fear of the Lord is wisdom and knowledge of the Holy one is understanding."  And the reminder to fear the Lord above all else is found again and again elsewhere in Proverbs, Psalms, Job and Ecclesiastes.  Even King David, a man after God's own heart, gave in to fear when he took a census of his troops before going to battle.

I pull a "king David" all the time...a fear comes up...I analyze what I have, my strengths and how to come up with my own solution.  Instead, I think fearing the Lord would mean coming to Him first.  Asking for His counsel and just plain 'ol trusting Him first, above all else.  Sometimes that's a hard pill to swallow and several times this week, all I have been able to mutter is "help me trust You God...help my unbelief".  Someone once reminded me that everything that comes our way, trials and joys, have first passed through the hands of God.  Our Creator.  Creator of the Universe.  So what have I to fear in comparison to that??  

In fear and reverence for God will come the knowledge we seek.  And peace.  And Glory to Him.  I will choose to fear none other than my Holy God.  And pray like crazy for my unbelief.