U-Turns and Dead Ends

Some may know that I have a terrible sense of direction.  Truly...not just a bad sense of direction, but a really terrible sense of direction.  For example, if I'm lost and trying to find my way around and think that I need to turn right, I'll actually tell myself to turn left since I would have turned right....because I'm that bad at directions.  I know we live in the age of GPS, but a computer doesn't always know when there are detours due to construction....which brings me to a recent outing.

One of the things I get really excited to find whenever we move to a new place is a hair salon!  Once I find someone who can cut my hair I feel degrees closer to saying we are 'settled'.  I got a referral from a friend and while I was out running errands I had a few extra minutes so I thought I would swing by and check the place out....it was only 5 minutes from our house.  Supposedly.  Let me just say I set a new record:  I ran into TWELVE U-turns and dead ends.  And then to make it worse, once I was past the twilight zone of dead ends I looked around and realized I had just driven past my HOUSE!  See.  I really am bad at navigation.

Once I finally got a chance to look at my map and zoom out, I realized why I was stuck in the land of never ending u-turns/dead ends.  In this neighborhood adjacent to ours, there is only one road that crosses the Rio Grande and since that road was under construction the only way around was actually two exits further on the highway.  Ahhhhh..... after I looked at the big picture I understood why I had been SO stinkin' turned around.

As a family, we have been re-evaluating and praying about adjusting certain things in our life.  And in one particular area it seems like I am running into dead end after dead end....and then another dead end.  It can be discouraging at times and mildly frustrating.  And it makes me doubt.  And then I doubt my doubts.  And quite frankly, I'm currently confused on which way to turn and how to adjust our path.  I feel like I'm in the twilight zone of dead ends and U-turns and really wanting to explore every possibility, but I'm growing weary.

But God is faithful and I feel like He gently nudged me with an answer.  Not a specific answer that I was looking for, but a reminder to 'zoom out'.  To remember that He already knows the right path and that no matter which wrong turn I may or may not make, He will always bring me Home.  For now, I'm growing more and more confident in just taking in the big picture....remembering that He is faithful and always working for our Good and His Glory...and letting Him reveal the details to me in due time without fear of what may or may not be.  After all, He's even numbered the hairs on our head.

The Pits, Praise and being Present

Moving can be the pits.  I just want to get that out there... I try not to dwell on it too much, but truth be told, there are some seriously smelly stinky pits to moving so I just simply want to acknowledge the truth.

I spent the last couple days licking some wounds....of hurt feelings, feeling displaced, being disappointed and just a dose of plain 'ol sad.  I was on my way to meet a group of ladies that I was hoping to connect with and just so stinkin' excited about meeting some others of my kind (being surrounded by kids all day just makes me crave adult fellowship sometimes!) and I was blaring some of my recent favorite songs.  But on the way home, I just couldn't help it.... my eyes were wet (let me be clear, this is not a criticism of the ladies...I just didn't find that soul friend). And I had a hard time whispering a single sentence....yet I knew that in a way, that was wrong.  I have sang lyrics so often about praising in the good and bad and yet, in this small moment of disappointment I couldn't utter a single word.  I felt a bit petty.  As the songs continued to play, these lyrics grabbed me:  from Psalm 103.... "Praise the Lord, O my soul....Don't forget His love...who forgives all your sin...crowns you with His love...who satisfies your desires with good and lovely things..."  And then slowly I was able to sing a few words as I entered our neighborhood.

The night also made me think of something that I've tried to balance for a while:  being Present in the moment yet living for eternity.  How to be so fully in the here and now, yet invest in things of eternal worth.  I didn't know how these two things were related, but for some reason God connected these things for me.

36 hours after this evening, I went to another meeting with some ladies and wouldn't you know, I found a friend!  How do I know she's a friend, you say?  Because we met in the morning and had dinner with them in our home less than 12 hours later....and it wasn't in the least bit weird!  What a Praise.... "He satisfies your desires with good and lovely things..."   

And I found another praise regarding moving....from pits to praise:  when you move to an unfamiliar place, everything is NEW.  This means we can explore our neighborhood with the kiddos and it is truly fun!  We went on an outing this morning...my husband pushed the two littles, while I ran with the older two who were on their bikes.  As I was running alongside and between them, I was constantly reminding them - stay on this side, don't go into the soft dirt, move over and watch out for that car, pedal a little faster so we can catch up, slow down so you don't run over his heels.... In that moment God clearly showed me what is was to be fully present and investing in eternity.

I had to be fully present with my two older kids as they rode to keep them safe and guide them along the route....and as I was doing that I was investing in eternity...relationships with my kids.  Conversing with them..encouraging with them...instructing them...as they kept pedaling forward and then finally back to our familiar home.

I'm in awe of how God shows me how real He is in my life - from the pits of moving to praising Him for new friends and learning how to be present yet investing at the same time.  I'm always sure that all this may only make sense to me, but I hope it encourages others!     

Uncertainty and Abundance

I just need to get the words out before I lose the sense of their weight and chicken out of writing...so this may not exactly be poetic prose, but here goes.

Today kind of felt like a bombardment of bits of news that all had a common theme....one of uncertainty.  I spoke with a couple friends who are experiencing some major uncertainty in their lives and then we found out some news from work and family that kind of rocked our little world.

And you know what my first instinct was?  To grasp harder at those things threatened by uncertainty.  My comfort, plans, possessions, privacy....and then the Lord quickly pointed out to me that the very things I was going to try and hold onto even tighter were not really ever mine.  It's like an example that C.S. Lewis uses regarding the lady who thinks she has some quiet time to herself in her home only to have it interrupted by a neighbor knocking on the door.  She's grouchy because the neighbor just interrupted her 'quiet' time....but he points out that though the quiet time was within grasp, it was never hers for the Lord had other plans..that included her neighbor coming to her door.  And so I was reminded of the same...that these things that I feel like can be taken away or threatened in the future are not really mine to begin with.  So why should I even bother acting as if it was?  Act like I have something that is being threatened and try even holder to maintain my grip on it?

Instead, my friend reminded me of how my attitude should be...that I should hold these things loosely, knowing that it's all His anyways.

And so I choose to graciously hold these things, open handed and palms facing up ready to give these things if the Lord asks us to, but keenly aware that He never leaves us empty handed.

Which brings me to another point.....Abundance.  Give me a moment to explain how these two are tied together in my mind.

I was loading groceries into the refrigerator a few days ago and was struck by how much abundance we have.  In soooo many ways.  In the deli drawer of my fridge alone I have FIVE different types of cheese.  It makes me happy.  And so aware of the many different levels of abundance we have.

Growing up, my parents were immigrants and we didn't have a lot of money...not that I ever felt poor or felt like I had a disadvantage of any sort growing up.  I just remember that my parents worked a lot...sometimes on Christmas...and we didn't have a ton of presents or toys.  I never felt like I was really missing out on anything, though.

And with the contrast of our abundance now, I sometimes feel the temptation of guilt creep up.  But I'm constantly convicted that God didn't bless us only to have us feel guilty for His gifts.  How twisted would it be if I gave me son Legos and then expected him to feel guilty in return for the gift I gave him?  No, instead, He's given us gifts to use and multiply for His Glory and pour out on others for His Name's sake.  It reminds me of the parable of talents....use what He's given you, be a good steward of it, multiply it.  Then, in the pouring out of ourselves, He fills our cup to overflowing....I believe this because I've experienced it and know it to be real.

So, back to the uncertainty.  Just like the things He's given us in abundance, I will hold the items of uncertainty with open hands....pour it forth and know that He will fill us to overflowing with things of eternal significance.

If anyone else is experiencing uncertainty in the beginning of this new year I hope some of this resonates with you as well...